Elster's World

Monday, August 14, 2006

Deflated

Since I use my blog not only as a means of entertaining the masses but also as cheap self-therapy:

Today I feel a sense of loss - something so acute, it makes me feel almost hollow inside. As I struggle to understand this feeling, I also realize the negative effect it has on my ability to function properly. In other words, I'm sad and it is affecting my day.

In order to "move on", first I need to recognize the source. Did you ever feel really sad or anxious about something unidentifiable, let it really make you nervous, and then finally locate the source of the problem and immediately feel like a weight has been lifted off you? That's the feeling I'm striving for. The moment when I say "oh, that is what's bothering me?" and immediately feel relief flooding in.

But sometimes locating the source doesn't make the pain go away. Sometimes locating the source makes you feel even worse. Like, "oh, that is the problem and damn, it isn't going away any time soon". (And no, this isn't another one of my I Hate My Job rants. I have officially decided to spare you all those for the foreseeable future.)

So is it Israel? A bad deal for my country breaking my heart? That Hizbollah has claimed a victory over the Jewish State and talk of a Hamas/Fatah unity government threatening Israel from Gaza? Maybe. But I don't think so. Maybe I know exactly what the problem is. Maybe I'm rambling, in hopes that just running my mouth (or fingers) will provide balm for my soul.

Don't worry, the hollow feeling will eventually fade. That's what they say. I want to believe "them". They are supposed to be pretty smart. But right now, something hurts and I don't think that it should be.

Alas, I don't get to make all the decisions, even the ones that affect me directly.

End Rant.

6 Comments:

  • ranting is good!

    By Blogger Lakewood Venter, at 4:28 PM  

  • Hey E.
    I know exactly the feeling you're talking about...
    I hope your sadness lifts. soon.

    By Blogger Dayli, at 9:36 AM  

  • We (Soulmate and I) have also been feeling unsettled. There are so many unanswered questions regarding the "cease fire" - what about the soldiers? What about when Hezbollah starts up with us again in *name your amount of time here*? It's a very hard time. We're increasingly tempted to buy property up the island and live off the grid with our heads buried in the sand.

    By Blogger AnySara, at 4:17 PM  

  • Actually, sometimes that sounds pretty enticing. There are moments where you just scratch your head and wonder how the world fell so far off its tracks. How did everything go to hell in a handbasket so quickly.

    By Blogger Elster, at 4:19 PM  

  • The world is definitely far different than the one we grew up in. I know the feelings you describe well. Hope it has already passed for you, and that you are feeling more positively today...

    By Blogger MC Aryeh, at 7:20 PM  

  • Well, the good news is that I have discovered the source (which i will not share). The bad news is that I did NOT get that rush of relief from the discovery. Alas, i' sure it's only a matter of time.

    By Blogger Elster, at 10:16 PM  

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