Elster's World

Thursday, June 08, 2006

MySpace

There are many excellent advantages to having a baby nurse. They are (for the most part) monumentally helpful; either for first time mothers learning the ropes or even for cagey veterans who need extra pairs of hands to deal with all of the little ones now populating the casa. And let’s not forget the all-important Even Though I Have A Newborn In The House I’m Still Sleeping Through The Night equation – the pinnacle of reasons for the baby nurse. That one last shot at slumber before the ensuing months of H-E double hockey sticks. I’m sure there are very few moms out there that, all things being equal, wouldn’t want to take advantage of the baby nurse.

But here’s the kicker. When baby nurse’s quarters happen to double as your home office/guest room, it suddenly means you have no access to your best friend (obviously discounting your spouse and your drinking buddies from college) - the home computer. At first you panic. How long is she gonna be here? Can I last that long without Joe’s take on the Mets (though he's been curiously silent as of late except for ripping me in the comments here), Sara’s uplifting words or Tomboy’s Tomfoolery? What about ESPN.com? Or any of the dozens of sites where I waste time in such spectacular ways?

Then it hits me. Not to worry, you have the laptop. And a wireless router. And a wireless card. Several hundred dollars worth of useless crap is about to save your worthless behind. Sure she’s six years old and a Toshiba - but she’s about to come out of retirement in a big way, baby.

So that first night, you sneak away from mother/baby bonding time and hit the dining room table. You pop open the laptop, get her running, and cross the fingers. And…there it is, an internet connection! It actually works. You are home free. You check your MSN email and…wait, what. Hmmm. For some reason, I can’t check my MSN email. OK it’s only the shul newsletter and school crap. I can live without it. Time to check the Netscape emails. Ok, need to reply to that one…what? Hmmmm. Can’t seem to reply to any emails. Ok, I’ll do it from work. And on and on it goes, issue after minor issue. But the access is there. Limited access, but access nonetheless. Frustrating but workable.

But then, oh sweet freedom. The nurse is gone. The baby room once again MySpace. My computer. My house. No interlopers abound. Normal freedom dress code is back in effect (i.e. I’m free to walk around in my boxers if I so wish). I can both receive and send emails. I once again have my full arsenal of time wasting weapons. I am unstoppable in my distractions. Life is good.

So what does this all mean? Am I too reliant on my computer? Am I not spending enough time with mom and baby? Do I need professional help? Probably yes to all three. But you know what? At least I have MySpace.

6 Comments:

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