Elster's World

Friday, May 05, 2006

The Ultimate J-Bloggers Roadmap

Editor’s Note: If you have no sense of humor, please stop reading right now. Though I do so look forward to your hate mail later.

The world of J-Bloggers has absolutely exploded in the last few years. If you have a computer, internet access and the ability to come up with a six-letter password you are, well, you’re a Blogger!!! Congratulations. That wasn’t so hard, now was it?

Of course, the downside to this plethora of new blogs is the virtually impossibility to keep track of them all, let alone try and actually read through them. It’s more daunting than attempting to read through a 23,000 page congressional report on germs.

Fortunately for you, Elster’s here to be your spirit guide. Yet I am but one man. There is no way I can stuff all you need to know into one post. On top of that, I only got about five hours of sleep last night.

Yet I have come up with a plan. Instead of trying to list all the blogs (which, if I’m not mistaken, was one of the infamous tasks of Hercules), I’ve broken them out into categories with a few links in each one. From there it’s simple. Just check out links and comments and comments to comments and the link’s links, and you will soon find that ten years have gone by and you have completely wasted your life. Hey, I’m glad to help.

So without further ado, a roadmap to J-Bloggerville:

Jesus, if freaking sucks living in Lakewood: Ah, one of my original favorites. Where else could I have learned all the nitty-gritty details of the internet ban, the best local movie theaters and the fact that the local pizzeria doesn’t allow people to sit down? Good times abound. And to think, Lakewood really does have a pretty lake. Yet everyone still complains. Go figure. http://semgirl.blogspot.com/ and http://semstory.blogspot.com/ are female stalwarts and if then there’s the newly minted http://lakevent.blogspot.com/. Believe me, this list could go on forever. Like infinity forever. I’m just too tired.

Dude, I’m seriously just gonna write whatever pops into my mind. No, really. Anything: Unfortunately, this is a mostly sad group. Why? Because only a few can pull off writing about anything that comes into his mind and not sound like a complete moron - Jack can do it and so can Brownsville Girl (who doesn’t live in Brownsville) . http://yonirants.blogspot.com/ - Now here’s a blog all over the place. Everyone else attempting this method? You suck, give it up. Trust me when I say, no one is interested in what you had for dinner last night. Or how you folded your laundry. Or what books your are reading or…..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I’m a zealot, you got a problem with dat?: Ah the zealots. They take may forms. Some are great, some banal and some quite scary. You can be loyal in your love of country (http://muqata.blogspot.com/, http://becsuniverse.blogspot.com/ - in her case even if you don’t live there yet ) your love of your favorite sports teams (http://elstersworld.blogspot.com/, http://jschick.blogspot.com/ http://bloginator80.blogspot.com/ - even though he is a Braves fan). You can be a religious zealot (http://jgoldman.blogspot.com/, http://hirhurim.blogspot.com/ - though he is a GOOD zealot). Or, you can simply be scary – Kudos to you http://datingmasterjerusalem.blogspot.com/. You have the scariest J-blog in existence. And believe me, that’s saying something in your case.

Your blog may very well be good but your posts are too intricate or worse, too damn long: Chana my friend, I have no idea what you are talking about half the time but you sure sound like you know what you are talking about. Kudos to you. But the posts I actually stay awake through really are good.

My blog is a place for insane people to congregate: Traditional Tomfoolery - is the worldwide leader in this category. By logical follow, http://matestravel.blogspot.com/ will probably not be far behind. Loads of religious wackos at http://shomernegiah.blogspot.com/ and a nice number of them at http://eishetchayil.blogspot.com/ - enough, in fact that she was forced to shut it down. Nice going ye raving lunatics.

I’m young, but I have many a weighty issue on my mind: A whole new wave of bloggers are young-uns – fresh off a year in Israel, or out of seminary or some other place of religious persecution. They are ready to face the terrifying realities of the new world and, wow, they seem to have lots on their mind. http://briannaworld.blogspot.com/, http://trophyofthehour.blogspot.com/, http://curiousjew.blogspot.com/, Michelle and http://granddelusions.blogspot.com/ to name but a few. Remember single bloggers, they are too young for you!!! For whatever reason, there seem to be many more young women than young male bloggers. Could be because the guys get out their aggressions by playing sports. Just a theory.

And, finally, we have my favorite category of bloggers – the Sublime: Alas, there are too few of such bloggers. They are the ones which inspired us all. They lift us up, they make us laugh, cry and simply beg for more. To be placed in such lofty company, the blog would probably have to deal with sports, humor, a little dab of fiction as well as a host of serious issues. Oh how I have scoured the J-blogsphere searching for this holy grail of blogs. I have spent endless nights pouring through them, sifting through the sand for those nuggets of gold. And dear readers, let me tell you – it was not easy. In fact, I was almost ready to give up entirely until…well, until I found it. And so, without further ado, I will get you to the end of the roadmap, the place where X actually marks the spot:


Have a good Shabbos all, and to all a good night.


  • Heh. :)

    By Blogger Ezzie, at 4:47 PM  

  • You rock.

    By Blogger Sara, at 6:33 PM  

  • wow, such dedication for those of us attempting to find our way in the blog sphere, now the real question, what does someone have to do to make the map?

    By Blogger Photochick, at 3:20 PM  

  • Photo - it's simple. All you need to do is waste too much time.

    By Blogger Elster, at 4:03 PM  

  • I think she wants you to mention her. What does she have to do to be included?

    Photochick deserves it...let her in next time.

    By Blogger Sara, at 5:16 PM  

  • Ah MAKE the nmap/ Duh!! I'm not so smart. Um, I'm pretty sure this is one list you DON'T wanna necessarily make.

    By Blogger Elster, at 7:58 PM  

  • Thanks for inclduing me on your list, but mine, for some reason, doesn't hook up to a blog. It's just a URL. I'd appreciate if you have a chance to fix it. Thanks so much :-)

    And, BTW, do you not feel pressured by this plethora of new blogs? I sure do!!

    By Blogger Michelle, at 8:21 PM  

  • Michelle: Done. And I feel no pressure at all - I simply act as a spirit guide - So I don't read any of 'em.

    By Blogger Elster, at 8:47 PM  

  • Interestingly you do not include an e-mail address on your site. :) I guess I'll have to write what I would email you here.
    Dear Elster,
    Wow! I gotta tell you that your compliment to me, that I can write about stupidity without sounding stupid, is one of the top kind of compliments I can get. I never intended to blog for a public, only to practice my writing for class, and my greatest insecurity is that I come across as boring. Hearing that even when I write about mundane topics, I don't sound so bad is awesome. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
    With much appreciation,

    By Blogger BrownsvilleGirl, at 12:39 AM  

  • I am not sure I really wanted to be on the list, it seems I would fall under a self depreciating category...hmmm...is this a good thing or bad thing, oh well.

    Thanks for the vote of confidence Sara :-D

    By Blogger Photochick, at 9:10 AM  

  • BVG - Twas indeed meant to be a compliment and I am glad you took it that way.

    Ptc - You have us ALL confused now.

    By Blogger Elster, at 9:21 AM  

  • lol this was cute. Thanks for the mention. My link does't work either, but then again, neither does my blog. So, uh, I guess I'll let it slide.

    By Blogger Eshet Chayil, at 9:28 AM  

  • Yes, I notice that you followed through on your threat. I'm not sure if should be saying "good for you" or "alas, you let the bad guys win".

    By Blogger Elster, at 10:57 AM  

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