Elster's World

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Hard Boiled Vs Soft Shoe

HARD BOILED:

The thunder was booming like a pair of Colt .44 magnun Anacondas in a small space when she walked into my office. She looked like she had just rolled off the model factory assembly line - all blond hair and clothes too tight for a broad half her size.

"How can I help you sister?" I asked.

She gave me the cool stare. "What makes you think I need your help anyway?" She was a tough egg all right. But that was ok with me, I liked my women with some spark.

I leaned back in my creaky chair as far as it would go, put my legs up on my desk, and waited her out. Eventually they all crack in the waiting game. She sighed. To me it was the sound of the white flag being raised. I cocked one ear in her direction and waited some more. The cool stare went away. It always does. I smiled to myself, then spoke again.

"What's it gonna be sister, I ain't got all night."

"Don't call me sister. And what Big Boy, you got plans or something?"

This time I smiled on the outside. "I might."

She sighed again. It was a nice sound coming from that mouth. From those lips. She took out a box of unfiltered Malboros and a lighter, looking questiningly at me. I nodded and she lit up. Took a big drag, held it, and slowly let it out. Looked pretty good on her, if I say so myself.

"Ok partner. Here's my issue. I hope you got a strong stomach and a good constitution."

"Lady, there ain't nothing you can tell me that ain't already heard."

Now it was her turn to smile, as though she knew something I didn't. I leaned forward in my chair, suddenly intrigued. She started to speak as the thunder continued to roar in the night.....

SOFT SHOE:

The rain clinked against my office window and the thunder rumbled like the bass section of a jazz band when the woman walked into my office. She was beautiful, like a ray of light on a dark day. She wore tight fitting, sexy clothes and her honey blond hair fell across her face.

"How can I help you maam?" I asked.

"Well, I'm not even sure you can help me..." she trailed off.

I sat back in my chair and waited. Sometimes it was better to let the visitors come to it in their own time. People often had trouble letting things out. Sometimes time and space were my best tools of the trade. After a good, solid two minutes, she sighed. It was a really nice sound. I knew she was almost ready to talk.

"Take your time maam," I said. "There's no hurry."

"Do you have to call me maam? It makes me feel old. And are you always this polite or am I special?"

I smiled. "I try."

She sighed again and took a pack of Juicy Fruit gum from her purse. "I hope you don't mind. it calms me down."

"Be my guest. Now," I gently prodded, "what can I do for you?"

"Well," she replied, turning her face away. "It's a little embarrasing."

"Embarrasing is my specialty."

"Ok. You see.." And so she told me her tale as the storm's symphony played outside my window.

10 Comments:

  • I want to hear the tales!! You're a great writer.

    By Blogger Eshet Chayil, at 10:00 AM  

  • Yes! Literary Elster is back! Sounding like Dashiell Hammett. Great dialogue and tone...

    By Blogger MC Aryeh, at 11:35 PM  

  • like both, but the second is more original and interesting. the dialogue of the first is very cliche`, although good, but possibly done to death (not by you, just in general.)
    keep it up!!!!

    By Blogger bec, at 3:59 PM  

  • Everyone "gets" that i was writng the same scene 2 ways... right?

    By Blogger Elster, at 4:23 PM  

  • will you continue the story on your blog? You made me very curious now. I canĀ“t decide which version I like better. I have a slight tendency to the first, but then I am not sure, the second one is also beautifully written.

    Thanks for visiting my blog.

    By Blogger Mia, at 3:49 AM  

  • Can't speak for everyone, but I would hope everyone "got" it. One of the things which most impressed me was how clearly drawn the different styles were. And while what Bec said is true, the genre almost demands that dialogue, which you handle well. Very well done. Seriously.

    By Blogger MC Aryeh, at 10:14 AM  

  • Thank you. Someone made mention of me finishing the 2 storieS (plural) so i was kinda thrown.

    By Blogger Elster, at 10:19 AM  

  • excellent......

    i vote for number 1

    (and i do get to vote...)

    By Blogger dietgarage, at 3:40 PM  

  • Elster - excellent literary game. That should be a study for every HS English course. I've never seen two literary styles so cleanly played against each other. Good stuff!

    By Blogger Josh, at 9:11 PM  

  • elster,

    Wonderful post, truly a pleasure to read anything you write. I think you are a master at the hard boiled. don't get me wrong, you clearly are talented to pull off soft shoe but gotta stick with your money maker friend, hard boiled.

    speaking of, haven't heard about our boy, forgot his name, accused of murder, did the whole good cop bad cop thing...

    By Blogger The Real Neo, at 2:01 AM  

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